This Shit Is Hard

Today was the day that school started in our little town. Only, our kids obviously didn’t go, because we’re homeschooling them starting…now.

Today was the day I’ve spent the longest in his life away from Oscar B. Holy exploding boobies! I drove my niece and nephew who’ve been here visiting from out of state for almost a week to stay with other relatives a couple of hours away. And did a deal with a strange lady at a truck stop on the way home. For a couple of chickens, not drugs.

Today was, it therefore logically follows, the longest my lovely wife has spent alone with all four children. My lovely wife who is the one who wanted to homeschool said children, despite my rationalizations, arguments, pleadings, and what have you to the contrary. My lovely wife who had tears in her eyes when I returned home after more than four but less than five hours, and who told me she doesn’t know how I do it – be home with all of the children by myself – all weekend, every weekend, while she works and sleeps.

I’m not sleeping lately, and I don’t mean in the parent of a young baby way. I mean, there’s definitely that going on, but I’m just worried about things and having a very hard time getting back to sleep after Oscar’s nursing sessions. Something tells me that tonight will be a night I’ll be sleeping like a log. I so badly needed to hear those words: that this isn’t in my head, it’s not because I’m postpartum or a mean person or in some way inadequate – this being home with these people 24/7 is really hard.

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One thought on “This Shit Is Hard

  1. Every parenting role I have taken on has been so hard, for different reasons. I try to remind myself that it wouldn’t be hard if I didn’t care so much about doing it right; doing it in a way that benefits my kids instead of fucking them up.
    There are definitely things I miss about staying home, but I would NEVER volunteer to take on that job again. I am not cut out for it. This isn’t hard because you are hormonal, or evil, or incapable, but pretty much the opposite. When it stops being hard, then you might want to question these things, but not now.

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